The GayStraight Man
by Black Dragon Mistress
Summary: After Dragon Ball GT Vegeta's thoughts and perspective on life have changed drastically ever since Bulma left him for another man. WARNING(S): Crude Humor, Extreme OOC-NESS, Disturbing Content (Please Do Not Sue Me For The Cover Photo)


**A/N: "Black Dragon Mistress" has nothing to do with this story. My brother has decided to badger me into letting this story on the Internet. I am sincerely sorry for what you may see, as I have no idea what may happen...**

**A/N: I'm the guy who wrote this. I was on my way to church and got an idea to write a funny story. I just started writing whatever popped in my head so I just thought of things as I went. The characters name was ORIGINALLY Joe, but since this is FanFiction I changed it to "Vegeta." And JUST FOR THE RECORD I've never written a story before so please I love haters. Haters are your biggest fans, because they give you the most POINTERS.**

**ENJOY... (R&R)**

**Chapter: 1 - "You've Got Mail"**

Once upon a time on a dark stormy night, the mail man was running late. Vegeta saw him drop the mail off from his front window. He was too anxious to wait for the storm to pass, as he was expecting his monthly porno, "Lose Them Britches Part II." So he decided to put on his custom-made hot pink sweater spammed with kitty faces that he ordered from one of his favorite online sites... CheapHookers Webpage.

He started towards the front door and exited his home. The temperature was low and the freezing lip-chapping breeze made it even worse. On the way to the end of his long thick drive-way with cracks in the cement that resembled blood vessels, he pulled out his Glittery BlueBerry Blitz chap stick, which he also ordered from , and smeared it over his lips, with the skill of a cosmetologist. After he was done applying his chap stick, the buff cross-dresser puckered his smooth glittery lips and placed it back in the pockets of his gay sweater. He reached inside the mail-box and pulled out "Lose Them Britches Part II," postponing all the other envelopes, as tonight's session was his top priority at the moment. Prior to reading the summary on the back of the new DVD, he became "excited." "Hell yea, tonight will be a night to remember," he said with a sly grin creeping across his face. He put it securely in his pocket as if it was 'his precious' before gathering the rest of the envelopes. He had several off-white envelopes in his hand. He double checked the mailbox and noticed he forgot one dark-colored envelope, as black as a hard-working slave, sitting at the very back of the mail-box. "The mail man must have been a racist," he said, positive his assumption was correct. The black envelope was as noticeable as a surfer's tan-line among the other white envelopes.

The gender-confused man glanced back up into the sky one more time before heading back into his home. The dark smoke-like clouds rolled by like crashing waves. Once he got into his front door, he passed by his CheapHookers mirror. He notices something in his reflection in the corner of his eye. Retracing his footsteps back in front of his mirror, he realizes that the whole time he was outside getting the mail, he wasn't wearing pants. "At least my G-String was covering up my junk," he casually stated as he carelessly shrugged his shoulders. He continued and finally laid down his mail on a small round coffee table. Vegeta carefully removed "Lose Them Britches Part II" from his skin-tight sweater before unzipping it and placing it back on his neon blue coat rack. The first floor of his house went in a complete circle, so it didn't matter which way he went to get to the stairway leading up to his bedroom. He purposely swayed his hips with each step he took, trying to imitate hookers that easily influence him on TV as he made his way to the stairs. Finally in his bedroom, he rushed to place "Lose Them Britches Part II" in the DVD Player. Before pressing the Play button, he started to question himself. He thought about how lonely and desperate he had gotten over the last 2 years ever since Bulma left him for another man. He tried to just brush it off as something that every man had to go through at least once in his lifetime. "The moment that I have been waiting for," he said as he pulled out his overly used cheetah-print dildo, his facial expression filled with determination. Adrenaline going in a hyper-drive as he pressed Play.


End file.
